Love Was Supposed to Be Easy
Love is supposed to be easy, or so I thought. I pictured motherhood as a place where love flowed naturally—snuggles, “I love yous,” and a strong mother-daughter bond. But parenting my daughter with complex trauma has shown me a different kind of love—a fierce, exhausting love that demands more patience, resilience, and faith than I ever imagined.
Some days, loving her feels like work—hard, relentless, emotionally draining work. The kind that makes me question my strength. The kind that forces me to choose love, even when I don’t feel it.
The Hard Days
There are countless times I have sat on the bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face, asking, “How do I keep going?” These are the days when my daughter’s rages shake the house, when my words of reassurance meet glares of defiance. When I pour everything into her only to be pushed away.
On these days, love isn’t a feeling—it’s a choice. A choice to keep fighting for connection. A choice to believe in her healing. To show her, deep down, that I love her.
Read what happened when the hard days became too much for me: Motherhood Broke Me But I’m Getting Help.
Love That Doesn’t Come Naturally
I have grieved the idea that love would come naturally between us; it might never. Trauma has rewired her brain, making love look different from what I expected.
There are days that love hides in the little things:
Staying calm when she rages, refusing to match her chaos.
Walking back into her room after she pushes me away, proving I won’t abandon her.
Working on the computer while she sits close by, playing on the floor.
None of these moments feel like love in the moment, but they are.
What Keeps Me Going
Small moments remind me why I keep choosing love—the times she lets down her guard, looks at me and smiles, rests her head on my shoulder, or greets me with genuine happiness after time apart.
These are the moments I hold onto with everything I have.
If You’re in the Trenches, Too
If you parent a child who doesn’t know how to receive love and feel exhausted from pouring into someone who pushes you away, you are not alone. I see you, I am you.
Love isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it’s the hardest thing we will ever do. But the love we fight for—the love we choose even on the hardest days—holds the power to heal.
Keep going, mama. Even when love feels like work, it’s still love. And love, even the hard kind, is always worth it.
