My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we go to bed together, at the same time, every single night. I can count on one hand the number of times in our marriage that we have not gone to bed at the same time because we think it is THAT important.
I am no expert on marriage, nor do I claim to have it all figured out. Every year (and really every day) presents a new challenge to face together. Adult life is challenging and navigating marriage, parenting, careers, finances, and all of the other areas of life is a lot to juggle. But I am convinced that going to bed at the same time as your spouse is one easy way to strengthen your relationship and join forces to face the daily grind.
I know, I know. You’re a night owl and he’s an early bird. You’re exhausted from a long day with kids and he has games he wants to watch. You like to read before bed and he wants the light off. There are a million reasons why it doesn’t seem ideal to have the same bedtime. They aren’t bad reasons and I’m not saying that each of your preferences aren’t important. What I AM saying is that the health and strength of your marriage trumps your preferences. Or at least it should.
Hear me out–Going to bed at the same time:
Allows for Unity
When you go to bed at a different time than your spouse, you are ending your day at different times and on different pages. Communication can be disrupted, expectations can go unmet, and your knowledge of each other’s day-to-day life can be low. Going to bed at the same time allows for last-minute communication and sometimes really good discussions that you would have missed out on otherwise.
Let’s be real for a second: if you’re staying up late and your spouse goes to bed, the temptation to emotionally indulge in a Netflix romance that isn’t realistic and only creates resentment in your mind and heart towards your spouse for not measuring up is bound to take hold of you. If your spouse stays up late and you go to bed, the temptation to find physical pleasure through other perverted and unrealistic sources will be lurking around the corner. If you truly desire to have a marriage devoted to faithfulness, realizing that temptation to stray is real and taking steps to flee from those temptations is vital.
Let’s continue our real talk: Sex is a good thing in a marriage. While yes, sex can take place any time of the day, we, as moms, know that it’s not going to happen (very often) when the kids are awake. It takes planning and intentionality to maintain this intimacy in marriage. Guess what’s one easy way to increase these intimate opportunities? Going to bed at the same time. Does this mean you’re going to have sex every single night? Of course not! But it does provide ample opportunities to enjoy the gift that you have in your spouse.
Promotes Enjoyment of One Another
You married each other for a reason, right? You liked each other at one point and hopefully still do. When you go to bed at the same time as your spouse, you get to enjoy being in each other’s presence. Sometimes you crack jokes and giggle like teenage lovebirds. Other times you get to hear a story you’ve never heard before or learn something new about each other. The more time you spend together, even if it’s only 10 minutes before bed, the more fond of each other you grow. And isn’t it kind of important to enjoy the person you’ve committed your life to?
I am fully aware that there are some circumstances where going to bed at the same time is not possible. Sometimes jobs prevent this from happening. Other times travel makes it impossible. But beyond these extenuating circumstances, I dare you to put your preferences aside and try this out. Go to bed at the same time as your spouse for a week or two and just see what happens. I have a feeling you’ll be glad you did.
*This post was originally written in 2021.