I don’t make my disdain for summer a secret. I can’t stand the heat, humidity, or resulting sweat that pools in my sports bra from June to August. When I was in my teens, I was a lifeguard for almost seven summers. I was in the heat for hours on end and had a golden tan that rivaled Ross’s on that episode of Friends.
But now? I’m fine with my pasty-white skin, thank you very much and I will be quite content sitting in my air-conditioned house, sipping a Diet Dr. Pepper while guarding the thermostat.
I do, however, lament that my kids don’t have a “fun summer” mom.
There’s always a twinge of guilt when I see pictures on Facebook or Instagram of other moms taking their kids to the splash pad or water park. They all look so happy in their filtered photos captioned with “Summer fun with my little fish!” or “Catching rays with my baes!”
My mom friends take their kids to outdoor festivals or stand in lines for snow cones with their floppy hats and cute tank tops. Meanwhile, I’ve got the blackout curtains drawn to keep it from getting up to 72 degrees and have every ceiling fan going at full speed.
I’m not saying I don’t take my kids out places in the summer. I mean, we do certain activities that won’t have Mommy out in the blazing sun for long, but I’m just not the type of mom that wants to be outside in the summer. It’s not my thing. I’m a hoodie-wearing, cider-drinking, winter-loving momma. When that first cold snap hits this fall, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
When the other moms are wiping away tears as they store their sandals for next year, this cold weather-lovin’ momma will be ready for all kinds of fall-related shenanigans. We will pick every apple, paint every pumpkin, bake every cookie combination known to man and we will decorate this house from top to bottom. I’m going to plan Halloween costumes, throw chili in the slow cooker, and start making my college football bowl predictions. I’ll be mapping out my Black Friday attack plan faster than you can say, “Record high heat index.”
Until then, I’ll make another pitcher of Kool-Aid for the tiny humans that say “It’s too cold in here!” and slather on some more self-tanner.