If I had a dollar for every time I heard “I wish I had more mom friends” I could take some mom friends out for coffee.
The issue with making mom friends is, we don’t really want go through the steps. I mean, how many times have you gotten excited about canceled plans? You are now free to stay home cuddled up in sweats in a judgment-free environment. It’s kind of become a trend now, to be honest about how being social can be a burden on the body and the mind.
To be fair, It totally can be. Covid did not help in this regard. We became very accustomed to just existing in our bubbles and finding solace there. So we make a vicious cycle of agreeing to plans when the positive vibes strike and then backing out when the task feels too daunting. So how do we correct this behavior?
To start, stop looking for a mom friend. If all you’ll ever have in common with this person is that you made a human then you’ll never have a purpose to be friends with this mom. I had this very situation happen. Another mom and I talk at the park, we exchange numbers and haven’t hung out since. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that lovely woman, but having our kids as a reason to “become friends” just isn’t enough to foster a friendship.
Find someone you have multiple things in common with. Every mom friend I have successfully fostered a friendship with was made through common interests beyond a kid. You will have far more hangouts with a said friend if you can actually do more than just discuss your child’s bathroom habits.
Stop meeting at coffee shops, unless that’s what you really wanna do. Go somewhere fun! Have a girl’s night! Walk around Target and snag a Starbucks. Go to the Mall and relive your childhood. Keep it casual and get drinks and pizza. Go to a bookstore and find a book to read together. We have to stop trying to be ..basic. (Full disclosure I’m very basic.) You will be more motivated to put on the cute leggings and leave the house when it’s something you want to do.
Lastly, you have to make an effort. A friend isn’t going to fall into your lap. Stop using the other person’s lack of effort as your excuse not to either. I love my lazy girl life but this trend of celebrating it is detrimental too. Being isolated can foster negative feelings. It forces us into a resentful bubble that is curated through doom-scrolling and bad habits. Making friends as a mom is hard, but being alone is frankly worse. Don’t go looking for ‘your tribe’ Start small and just find your person.