When Are You Having A Baby?

It’s the question that every young married couple hates to hear, “When are you two going to have a baby?” My husband and I have heard that question so many times we have lost count. 

When we met in college, it was most definitely not love at first sight. We tolerated each other, because we had the same friends, but the more time we spent together the closer we became. He wanted to set me up with his roommate, so we started spending a lot of time together. During that time, we became remarkably close friends, and we eventually forgot he was trying to set me up. We became inseparable; we met each other’s families and did everything together. When we got engaged on February 12, 2002, he was my best friend and the love of my life. I married my best friend on July 27, 2002. 

I don’t recall a time before getting married that we talked about having children. Being half Hispanic and having visited Mexico, I had shared my desire with my husband to adopt a baby from Mexico, but adoptions are expensive. Until we moved back to Oklahoma, and after five years of marriage, we finally started thinking seriously about having children. 

For about a year, we tried to get pregnant. I would go and buy the ovulation sticks. A few times we thought I might be pregnant, because my menstrual cycle was so late, but it never happened.

Each time it was as if we lost someone that was never really there.

Going to church was the most difficult. Someone was always asking us about having a baby. I wasn’t sure what to say to those people. I would just kind of laugh and make some flippant joke, when all I really wanted to do was scream at them that it was none of their business. I don’t think they did it to be cruel; I just think that some people don’t realize that pregnancy can be a tough subject and some struggle with getting pregnant. 

It was during this time we seriously started talking about my desire to adopt. Also, during this time, several of our close friends started having babies. Each pregnancy announcement was another time to grieve something I didn’t have. I was beyond thrilled for them, but with each baby born, I felt a little kick to the gut. Then those people would ask when it would be our turn, and BAM, another kick in the gut.

In 2014 my migraines became severe. I had severe migraines when I was younger, and they were back with a vengeance. I was having to leave or call in sick to my job as an elementary teacher at least once a week. My doctor prescribed a migraine preventive medication that seemed to work really well for me, but the medication came with some serious side-effects. If I became pregnant while on the medication, it would very likely cause birth defects. I was told during every visit by my doctor and his nurses not to get pregnant while on this medication. He did say if I ever wanted to get pregnant, he could take me off the medication, but that would come with a return of the migraines. At the time, I was more worried about my migraines and trying to get some relief. The medicine worked wonders. It has reduced the frequency and severity of my migraine headaches.

We decided not to pursue a medical diagnosis or solutions to have our own baby. I have two friends who have spent their life savings on trying to get pregnant; it was physically and emotionally painful, and in the end did not work. I did not want that for us. We did a lot of praying, and we felt like we were not meant to have a baby of our own. We were meant to adopt a baby or child that needed a loving and safe home. God gave us a peace about our decision, and we knew that He had a child out there somewhere for us.

We discussed different ways to go about adopting a baby or child. After having a sweet girl in my first grade class that was in foster care, we saw the need for foster parents in our area. After the long process of becoming foster parents we hosted several children in our home, some were more challenging than others. Our foster care journey led us to our adoptive daughter, who was looking for her forever home. She was placed in our home as a foster to adopt child in April of 2019 and on May 4, 2020 her adoption was finalized. 

God works in mysterious ways; our adopted daughter just happens to be the Hispanic child I always wanted to adopt.




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Carissa South
Carissa is a loving wife, mother, and educator holding a masters of reading from the University of Central Oklahoma. She loves helping around their farm by taking care of the goats, chickens, and dogs. Her newly-adopted daughter brings lots of new challenges to her life as she is learning to balance work, family, and parenting.


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