TW: Tiny dolls, plastic genitalia, shock, dismay, and surprise
So no s***, there I was… sitting in a Mexican restaurant with my family… totally stoked to surprise our daughter with the newest LOL Surprise Doll – and it was a BOY! I was so excited to see them offered in Target the other day, all cute with his pink mustache and beard on the packaging. I snapped one up and threw it in the cart, excited to hold onto it until she had a great report from school, or met a therapy milestone, or something like that.
Well, the opportunity came this week, and while our family was sitting at dinner in NW OKC, I handed her the shiny silver ball and gleamed in the glow of her joy. She has recently developed a love of these weird little things, and the surprise element of it never gets old to watch.
The five adults at the table watched in anticipation of what he would look like, what outfit he’d be wearing, and what accessories he’d come with, and BOY (literally), that last one really delivered. Never in my life did I anticipate being eye-punched by the tiniest plasti-molded frank and beans I’ve ever seen. You see, the typical girl versions of these little dolls have NOTHING. Nothing to explain, nothing to examine… just the same Barbie-esque smooth-crotched safety we all know and love. I’m not afraid of a good set of genitalia, by any means, but I didn’t expect to be surprised by a teeny twig and berries.
It has a HOLE, for God’s sake. it has nuts.
I still can’t believe it. I don’t hate it, I just don’t quite understand why the boys have this whole separate mold. And remember, this was a business decision that someone made. Can you imagine being the mold maker in the LOL factory?
Boss: This looks great, Jerry. I just feel like it’s missing something.
Mold Maker: It’s the same as the girl mold, Boss. Nothing too risqué. Just a little toy for kids. With cute accessories and clothes!
Boss: Well, I still think we should add something. Just something small.
Mold Maker: Like what?
Boss: How about a tiny Long John Silver and his hushpuppies?
I mean, our daughter has autism and didn’t quite understand what it was supposed to be and to be honest, she just tried to pick it off like a scab (adding to the rolling laughter coming from our corner table at Azteca). It was the best dinner out we’ve had in a while. It was basically dinner and a show… with the tiniest no-no zone you’ve ever seen.