Ah, summer.
The season for BBQs, pool parties, iced tea, and of course, the dreaded swim suit.
If you’re a mom you probably approach this season with the same excitement you have for getting your teeth pulled. Between the baby fat and the craters and crevices making up the landscape that is the post pregnancy tummy, it’s hard to get excited about squeezing into some thin pieces of fabric that expose all post baby glory to the world. It’s hard to feel sexy when you have a map of the world etched across your midriff.
But you know what, ladies? It’s time to love your lines because stretchmarks are sexy.
7 REASONS STRETCHMARKS ARE SEXY
1. Stretchmarks are basically battle scars.
That’s right. Battle scars. I have been to battle with an alien inside me. I was kicked, stretched, punched, and mutilated. My insides were crushed and even fractured. I never backed down, never gave up. I battled through. And survived. Who does that?? Bad A warriors, that’s who. And warriors are sexy.
2. Stretchmarks are more hardcore than a six pack.
Oh, you worked out for two hours to get chiseled abs like that? How nice. I carried a nine pound watermelon around in my stomach for nine months while wearing heels. Boom. Now that is hardcore and hardcore is sexy.
3. Stretchmarks turn an ordinary woman into a superhero.
Superman has a cape and can fly. Spiderman has his spider web hands and can scale buildings. Batman has a suit of armor and can take out any villain with a single SMASH! BAM! Or KAPOW! All super powers, to be sure. But can any of them create life? No? Well I can. And did. Six times. Living, breathing LIFE. That’s crazy superhero powers. And superhero powers are sexy.
4. Stretchmarks are natural tattoos.
People will pay hundreds of dollars to have a tattoo burned onto their skin. Butterflies. A sports emblem. Their ex’s name. Why? Because tattoos are very sexy. Well, I’ve got one of the sexiest tattoos EVER. Purple zebra stripes, white leopard spots, shiny crocodile scales, and the shape of an elephant’s tusk around my midsection. It’s a giant African safari on my stomach. Tattoos are sexy. African safaris are sexy. So that’s like double sexiness. Dang, that’s a lot of sexy.
5. Stretchmarks come from sex.
Stretchmarks come from babies. And babies come from “doing it”. A little hanky panky. Rolling in the hay. The side ways tango. Sex. And sex is definitely sexy.
6. Stretchmarks share a love story.
Behind every stretchmark is a love story. Passion. Excitement. Tears. Selflessness. And drama. Love stories are sexy, or at least can lead to sexy if watched on a couch with low lighting and lots of back rubbing. And we’ve already covered that.
7. Stretchmarks are the ultimate mark of femininity.
They make a woman a woman. They show strength. They show courage. They show power. And that is so very, very sexy.
The world may not be ready for the amount of sexy that stretchmarks are, mamas. But it’s time we showed them. Because they are beautiful.
So love your lines, ladies. They are truly SEXY..
*This post was originally written in 2016.
Stretch marks are the ABSOLUTELY SEXIEST thing around. A “baby tummy” is the ultimate definition of a sexy woman. Never hide them. Some men like me just can’t resist them!