I drive down the road and see packed parking lots. I scroll social media and see pictures of birthday parties, girl’s night out, and packed sporting events. You know what? It makes me mad.
I know it is fully my own decision about what I do, not yours. I am responsible for my own actions and my own health. I have said “no” over and over and over (and over and over) since March, and I don’t put that on you. But, six months ago, a lot of other people were joining me. Gradually there became less and less, and suddenly, some days it seems like I am the only one saying, “no.”
I am an extrovert; I thrive on spending time with other adults. I am also a stay at home mom to three kids, so let me repeat; I thrive on spending time with other adults. I am a classic Enneagram One rule follower, so when COVID struck I quickly got on board with taking advice from my son’s multiple doctors, and while a lot of people in this country think this is ending or almost over, there isn’t a single one of our doctors who agrees.
The most mentally exhausting part of saying no is the mom guilt.
We are extremely picky about where we go, often saying no to even outdoor events if masks aren’t being worn. Slowly the kids have started to ask where their friends are, when we will go back to grandma’s house, and last week my 5-year-old asked, “do we still love God? I am just wondering because we don’t go to church anymore.”
However, a close second to the mom guilt is reminding YOU who invited me to whatever event, that we STILL. CANNOT. GO. The more you invite me, the more I have to remind you that my son is still at high risk. That we are still in a pandemic. That our answer is still no.
The more I repeat myself, I start to wonder if you respect my answer at all. Do you respect the health of my family at all? How many more times are you going to make me say “no” as we enter the holiday months? Are you going to start resenting me for not showing up?
I am doing my best not to make this a controversial post, so I will stop now before it gets that way. My family has had some good times these past six months, and for that, I am extremely thankful. But just for a second, to those of you who maybe don’t have a single high-risk person in your home and think you can do whatever without consequence because YOU will be fine — that is a luxury not everyone has.
Those of us with high-risk family members are begging you to stay home so that we can go back to normal as soon as possible.
