When You Leave Your Best Friends Behind

BFFs!

I felt a pang of sadness as we pulled up to the airport drop-off area. I had just spent three days with some of the most amazing women I know. It didn’t feel like enough time. But the reality was I had to go home. I missed my children and my husband. Conflicting emotions filled my heart. “I don’t want to go,” I told my friend as my eyes began watering. “I wish things were the way they used to be. It was so fun hanging out when our boys were little. I miss it so much.” She said she missed it too and gave me a huge hug. I could always count on her for those hugs. I finally got out and we said our goodbyes and I love yous. As I walked away I had to push those thoughts out of my mind or I would never make it to my plane.

It has been nearly three years since I moved to Oklahoma City and left behind a home I thought we’d live in forever, and family and friends I thought I’d live nearby for life. Our first year in OKC was the most difficult year of my life for a number of reasons. Along with a new pregnancy came debilitating depression and multiple health issues. I used to cry and wonder why I had to go through this. I thought moving would be a breeze. I was so wrong. We had moved before…but this time was different. This time I left my best friends behind.

Moving Day!

Let me just say: I have come to really love my life here. I am so thankful that first year is behind me and I have found my footing. I am happy!

But it has truly surprised me how hard it is to say goodbye to my friends again and again as I’ve had the opportunity to visit them. I go back, and things are exactly the same and so different at the same time. Talking and laughing with my friends feels as if I never left. These moments are so joyful and cathartic, and bring so much peace to my soul. These ladies get me. I don’t have to explain myself. They think the best of me, even when I’m wrong or acting crazy. It’s so comfortable.  

Then I look around and realize how much has changed. Children have grown older, the roads and landscapes are different, and new people have moved in that I don’t know. These are unwelcome reminders that I have missed so many moments. The world does not stop turning in my absence. Coming face to face with the facts is somewhat of a rude awakening. In these moments I wonder what life would be like now if I had never left. I feel cheated because I have lost that time with people I love so much. It’s a reality that I don’t like and don’t want to acknowledge.  

Great memories

Eventually my thoughts turn to how much I have grown and learned from this experience. I am without a doubt a much stronger and more independent person because I had to leave my best friends behind. Moving to a new place made me painfully aware of what it feels like to be the mom without a “tribe.” I realized that I never want to let anyone feel like that. I see newcomers in a new light and I try to be much more empathetic.

Being forced outside of my circle of friends made me stretch. I had no other choice but to try and reach out, develop myself, and pursue new hobbies in a way that I never needed to before. I would not have become a Child Passenger Safety Technician, or be writing on this blog unless I moved here. And when I look back and see how much I have accomplished since moving, I am filled with joy. I never imagined I would be where I am, but seeing how things have played out reminds me that God knows what He is doing. If I had never moved, I wouldn’t be who I am today.  

I will always miss my best friends. They truly accept me and they’d do anything for me. That is rare, and that is special. I consider myself lucky to have these women in my life even if I am not as physically close to them as I would like to be. But the miles between us haven’t diminished the bond we share. Although I can’t stop life from changing (which is a hard truth to accept), I know that to have these kind of relationships even just once in a lifetime is a blessing. And I’ll take that bittersweet blessing all day long.  

Girls’ trip!
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Kristen Gardiner
Kristen resides in Edmond with her husband and three wild and crazy boys, ages 8, 5, and 2. She is a native Texan who relocated to the Oklahoma City area with her family in 2015. She loves art, Whataburger, Real Housewives, and being an active member of the LDS Church. Kristen has a Bachelor's degree in Marketing from Texas A&M and an M.B.A. from Texas A&M-Corpus Christi. Kristen is also a certified Child Passenger Safety Technician and has a passion for contributing hands-on car seat education to the community. You can read more car seat tips on her blog: Driving Mom Crazy .

4 COMMENTS

  1. Wow! That sounds so much like me! I left my best friends and family back home in La. to move here a couple years ago. Never thought or wanted to move away from home! I have 5 boys, the oldest stayed back home. Alot has changed since we moved here, just like you said. “A mom without a tribe”, but it is nice here in Edmond.

  2. This is so good! We moved here from
    Texas in 2015 as well. Born and raised a Texan and never imagined it any other way. We moved to Oklahoma (Very suddenly and quickly!) and I left all my friends and family and it’s sad to go back and then leave again BUT I’ve grown so much! I opened a store here and I would have never done that back home. I really love it here but it’s so hard not have a “tribe” to visit with on a daily or weekly basis. This was great to read such a simplistic story:) Sometimes it nice to know you’re not alone! Thank you!

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