I Pee When I Sneeze!


It sounded like such a great idea. An activity I once enjoyed as a child. I ordered what I needed from Amazon, and was excited when the package arrived at my doorstep. I took the package inside and opened it to find my new, shiny jump rope! I was ready to get my fitness on with one of my favorite childhood activities.

The next day, I put on my workout gear, ready to take my new jump rope outside for its
maiden jump! This is so much fun! And then around the 5th jump, the unexpected
happened….pee. No warning. No urge. Just pee. I ran inside, emptied my (supposedly)
already empty bladder, changed my pants and went outside to try again.
Jump….jump…jump….PEE! What is life?! Am I seriously peeing my pants? I don’t even
NEED to pee!

After another change of pants, a toss of the violated workout clothes into the washing
machine, I busted out the google machine. Oh, my search engine history that day…. Upon
further research, and reading so many blogs and discussion forums, I found this was a
common problem among women. We want to jump rope, and are denied the joy by our pelvic floors!

Most of us know what the most common advice was, right? Kegels! So many kegels! And
I tried, friends, really, I did! They just felt…weird. Also, let’s pee real (see what I did
there?), ain’t nobody got time for that-or so I thought! I felt like it was just another thing
to put on my forever growing to-do list. Taking the kids to their activities, doctor
appointments, grocery shopping, picking up the house, feeding the family, helping run a
business, trying to remember to exercise……and now I have to remember to squeeze the
lady parts on the daily? C’mon. I couldn’t even, y’all. I retired my beloved jump rope to
the back of a closet.

A couple of years pass, with not an ounce of unwanted pee in sight, and the unthinkable
happens. I went into a sneezing fit, as many of us allergy sufferers do, and then…PEE! A
little later that day, I coughed…..PEE! I actually woke up one day, and started to pee my
pants on the regular. I am now holding in my sneezes and coughs anytime I think a little
pee is inside of me.

Something had to change, my friends. It was time to get serious, and research all the
ways to help with this problem. Logically, I knew why this was happening. I have given
birth (twice), and I had a hysterectomy a few years ago. I guess, in my naïve mind, I
thought I was a special, chosen one. Maybe I had magical pelvic floor genes. I was
wrong, as I sometimes am. I found out that this happens to about 1 in 3 women. To
those 2 in 3 women with the magic unicorn pelvic floors-I am so jealous. You go, girls!
Never take for granted what the universe has blessed you with!

Upon further research, I found ways to help my little tinkle issue in the comfort of my
own home. There are so many choices! I will share a few enticing at-home options I
found. Of course, this is only a few, so I encourage all my ladies to find and research
what works best for them. Consulting with your gyno never hurts (maybe that’s the
wrong word) either!

1. The cheapest option. Good ol’ fashion kegels! Yes, the ones I dismissed earlier
because of the weirdness. I now do them in the school pickup line, and late at night
when I’m thinking about all of the things I forgot to do that day. Might as well
multi-task, and do something productive if you aren’t sleeping, right? What? You say
that you don’t even know how to do a kegel? Don’t worry, hit up Google. The internet never
disappoints in the over sharing department.

2. A moderate priced option, depending on your taste. Kegel exercisers! These come in
all sorts of shapes, sizes, and varieties. Some of them connect to your phone via an app,
and some even vibrate and do double duty, if you catch my drift……very tempting,
indeed! Even better, you can order these online, and have them shipped discreetly to
your own door. That’s a win to me!

3. A more expensive option. Kegel shorts! They are essentially a pair of shorts (the ones
I found look like biking shorts) that you put on that have sensors attached to them. The
shorts come with a controller, so you can control all of the action! You can do upwards
of 180 kegels in 30 minutes with these babies! Alas, I think I will save this option for
last. Even though it seems quite tempting, they can run upwards of $500.

There are so many options out there, ladies! For more extreme circumstances, there are
also medically invasive procedures, such as pelvic floor surgery and pelvic floor therapy.
What a time to live in, friends! There are so many options out there to help us ladies out!

A million kegels, pelvic exercise after exercise, whatever it takes, I will jump that rope
again! I will sneeze and cough without fear-and with a FULL bladder! If that proves too
much, there’s always doubling up the undies, adult diapers and pads.

Us moms need to live our best lives!

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Natalie is a native Oklahoman, born and raised! She married her husband, Cody, in 2012, and they have two human daughters and two dog sons. She is a former teacher, and now helps her husband around his counseling practice. She has a B.A.Ed. in English Ed, and a M.A. in Literature, both from UCO. When she isn't running around her two daughters to their MANY activities, she enjoys reading, writing, upcycling old furniture, vacationing, being the most obnoxious cheer mom she can be, snacking, and trying to control her sarcasm and RBF.


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