Hot Take: I Hate Pumpkin Spice

It’s that time of year again, and if you are one of “those people”, you 100% already know what I’m going to say.

Pumpkin spice is back.

I’ll wait for all of you to stop cheering, high-fiving, and playfully jumping into leaf piles…are you good now? Okay, good.

I am going to tell you a dark, dirty secret that may get me kicked out of all womankind – I hate pumpkin spice.

There. I said it. It’s abysmal. Are there things worse than pumpkin spice flavored and scented things? Perhaps war, famine, and BLACK LICORICE. Don’t even get me started on black licorice. *Shudder* Nevertheless, still I find it repugnant and yet it is EVERYWHERE, from granola to deodorant.

Do you even know how many innocent baby pumpkins are drained of their life force to feed your insatiable pumpkin spice frenzy? Well…not that many, since technically “pumpkin spice” is actually just cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, allspice and cloves. But you can imagine the carnage if more actual pumpkins were involved.

Since I am clearly in the minority with my opinion and since I’m also a people pleaser, I am here today to offer you up a long list of recently-spotted pumpkin spice or pumpkin spice-ish products I’ve seen while out and about. Prop up your Ugg-booted feet and grab a pen and paper, ‘cause I’m about to blow ya minds. A lot of these were peeped at Target because…well…I’m there a lot.

Edible options:

Favorite Day pumpkin spice hot drink bombs

Good & Gather pumpkin pie granola

Mama’s Biscuits pumpkin spice

Bonne Maman pumpkin spice spread

Pillsbury pumpkin and cream cheese cookie dough

Silk pumpkin spice almond creamer

Taste Republic pumpkin tortellini

Good & Gather honey pumpkin goat cheese ravioli

Special K pumpkin spice crunch

Life cereal pumpkin spice (so quite literally “that pumpkin spice Life”)

Pumpkin Spice Cheerios

Good & Gather pumpkin spice instant oatmeal

Quaker pumpkin spice oatmeal

Frosted Mini Wheats pumpkin spice

Pumpkin caramel Oui yogurt

Chobani Flip Pumpkin Harvest Crisp

Noosa pumpkin yogurt and/or Noosa Mates Pumpkin Spice yogurt

Grand’s Pumpkin Spice Rolls

Little Debbie pumpkin spice rolls

Cracker Barrel Sweet’s dark chocolate pumpkin spice sticks

Dewey’s Bakery soft baked pumpkin pie cookies

Moon Pie minis pumpkin spice

Milano pumpkin spice cookies

BelVita pumpkin spice breakfast biscuits

Orgain Organic Protein pumpkin spice plant protein powder

Premier Protein shake pumpkin spice

Starbucks ground coffee pumpkin spice

Coffee Mate pumpkin spice creamer

Starbucks pumpkin spice latte creamer

Califia pumpkin spice latte creamer

Chobani coffee creamer pumpkin spice

Stōk Cold Brew Coffee in OMG # pumpkinszn

Monín pumpkin spice drink syrup

Torani pumpkin spice drink syrup

Genuine Hank’s Pumpkin Spice soda

R.W. Knudsen sparkling juice pumpkin spice

Stauffer’s Pumpkin Spice Snaps

Drizzilicious Pumpkin Spice rice cake bites

Pumpkin spice Oreos

Sheila G’s Brownie Brittle pumpkin spice

Kit Kat pumpkin pie

Goldfish crackers Dunkin’ pumpkin spice grahams

Great Value pumpkin spice syrup (they also have a candy corn version if ya wanna get really crazy)

Non-edible options:

Native pumpkin spice latte deodorant

Tinte Cosmetics pumpkin spice lip gloss tin

Poo-Pourri pumpkin spice toilet spray

Duke Cannon pumpkin spice latte soap bars

Grove Co multi-purpose cleaner spiced pumpkin

Hempz pumpkin spice and vanilla chai hand wash and/or room mist

Voluspa pumpkin spice fragrance reed diffuser

Bath & Body Works Marshmallow Pumpkin Latte lip balm

Too Faced pumpkin spice eyeshadow palette (it is literally pumpkin pie scented, you guys!) and they have a psl melted matte lipstick to match as well!

Burt’s Bees pumpkin spice lip balm stick

Obviously this list is not comprehensive, but it’s a darn good start for all you PSL lovers. Allegedly, the combination of spices comprising pumpkin spice is believed to ward off evil spirits. I’m not so sure what that says about me regarding my aversion to it, but you mamas can keep it all for yourselves. May your hearts and shopping carts be full to the brim with spicy treats, because in a few short months it will be Christmastime, and the flavors of hot cocoa, peppermint and cinnamon will reign supreme once more. And my life will finally make sense again.